“What time you’ll be home? Can you please buy me food? I am a little starving and we don’t have anything in the fridge. Can you stop by to shop and buy something, thank you.”
That happened to me here in Czech Republic since I moved in. I always tried to depend in my husband because of the language barriers. It is fine for my husband because of reasonable facts. Most of the times, I wanted to stop being so dependent because I am scared that I would get into his nerves, someday soon. He will be sick from me and I will give him so much stress. I was always thinking how to start, without dealing with fear, and just confident inside me. I know I can, I just needed the right time to do it, and gain the confident enough for me to do things without hesitation.
I woke up one morning, my eyes tried to fight into my laziness to get up from the bed. First thing that came up to my mind was to shop something before my husband gets back from the work. Hell yeah! I wanted to try it and do what I must do since before. I get up from the bed, and let myself decide what to do. I started to move my ass and go to bathroom and washed my face. I went to kitchen and make my own coffee, and sat for a while. I went back to bathroom and started to spin the machine for laundry. While machine was spinning, I went back to living room, get my pen and small piece of paper and write down things to buy in the shop so I will be able to save time from that. Since I don’t know many things to buy, I went back to fridge and looked what was missing. Oh yeah, it’s empty. I get my ass back to living room and tried to think if I can carry everything in my own. Well, I wanted to surprise my husband so I wanted to do it, and deal with it right now!
After the second batch of my laundry, I took a bath, dressed up myself and ready to go. I looked at myself in the mirror and say, “You can do it! No one will eat you at the shop.”
I grabbed the garbage and put it down to the garbage container down the main building. I started walking, because supermarket was just 15 minutes by walking from our flat. So no matter how windy and how shitty the weather was, I stayed to my thoughts that I am doing it and nobody will stop me, even this shitty weather. I walked continuously, and finally arrived to supermarket. Wow! Everyone was looking at me, observing me. Here I am, I was started to be shy and want to move my ass back to flat.
Because I was confused, I forgot to get shopping cart or even basket, so I just grab tomato, garlic and moved to cashier, and paid for it. The cashier was looking at me, oh my! What would I do?
Well, I don’t need to do anything than to pay and go back outside get cart for food, then back inside and continue shopping. I did it! I went back and told myself I will be doing it no matter what, I don’t care if everyone in the shop was looking at me. I grabbed everything I need according to my list, and went to cashier again. Well I think the cashier was surprised, I got so many things on me. I am small little woman, with so many things to carry on after packing the things up. Oh well, what should I do, I needed to prove something to my husband so what the hell, are you still staring at. Count that stuff and let me pay and go.
I did finished, I went to other side and put everything in my shopping bags, I got two big bags on me full of food, and some useful stuff for home, plus my shoulder bag which I kept my money and such. Oh hell yeah, it was so heavy and don’t know how to carry those to home by walking. I don’t want to call taxi because it was near, and waste of money.
I walked, stopped and walked. I looked like the walking baggage counter or the walking shop or let say the walking fridge. I don’t feel my fingers anymore because of the heavy mineral water and juices in my bags. It was heavy, everyone in bus station where I pass through was looking and I can’t do anything than to walk through and heads down, but I can’t stop laughing over me, because I thought I looked so funny. (Giggling)
Oh my gosh! I didn’t check the time, it’s probably late and my husband will be on his way home. I was rushing trust me, but in my city, the road was ups and down, and horrible for me who is carrying super heavy stuff, in my tiny little arms. I was almost there when the strong wind blew, reason I stopped, because I can’t go, I can’t carry myself because I was in the middle of going up road. I was stuck, I get some rest. As I continued walking I heard my phone ringing, who was that? I can’t pick that up, because my hand is full and phone was at the inside packet of my jacket. So I let that ring and ring, I was sweating even if it’s freaking cold outside. I don’t feel cold; I felt I will soon knock down the road. I crossed the street, almost there. Whoops, I am finally at the main door of our flat. I dropped my bag and get my keys and open the door, went to lift, and walked to the door of our flat. As I put my keys in, it was slowly opening I don’t even tried to open it yet. Oh my! My husband was home!
He opened the door and said,
“where have you been, why did you go alone, you don’t pick up the phone, you scared Me, and why did you shopped so much, its looks so heavy for you. Why you wore that jacket, it’s not good for cold weather, aren’t you cold with that?”
Whoops, I said,
“Can you imagine me walking, how will I able to pick up the phone when I am rushing home with this heavy stuff? I am not cold, look at me; I am sweating like a pig.”
Trust me we are not fighting, he was just scared and probably he thought I left him alone. (Giggling) He is definitely not used to see me carrying many things over my thin arms, and not used to arrive home without me.
Well, I guess I messed up but still I did shop without my husband. I surprised him, in two different ways. Good ones and shocking ones. Good enough to do it again next time, and I promised, I will be answering phone calls no matter what, and leave a note so he’ll not be worried.
HAVE A SUCCESSFUL TRY TO ALL OF YOU.